Those who have known me a while have seen some changes in me over the last three years.  Some might say that I've become a little more mellow and calm.  Others might suggest that my focus has drifted.  Maybe I've been reorganizing my priorities.  Maybe I've been getting older.

My pace of life has slowed, and many of you have applauded me for it.

Brace yourself.  All that is about to change.

Truthfully, the situation is this:  Three years ago, I made a commitment.  Through meeting someone special and seeing all the amazing things she introduced me to, I came to realize something about myself.  At some point in my past, I started prioritizing and valuing based on standards I picked up in childhood, and through qualities I was born with that needed to be healed, rather than exercised.  My sense of purpose was being applied to a system that was secondary to the core of who I am, and the effect was much like running a Ferrari engine through the gears of a bicycle.

To pull out the old gears and get things rearranged, I was going to have to disengage my sense of purpose.  While I didn't realize it, this is exactly what I did.

Sure, I've flirted with purpose over the last three years, and as the cogs and sprockets of my better nature became more and more free to turn, I've given them field tests.  My writing has gotten riskier and better, and I've accomplished some pretty fantastic things over the last three years.

You all know that the pace of my progress is not up to my potential.

Tonight, the 24th of January 2009, at 9:45 PM Pacific, I dropped the clutch and reengaged my feelings of purpose.  I feel mighty and sure of myself.

At the same time, my values are more transparent than they have ever been.  My sense of conflict has been replaced by a clearer, renewed sense of exploration.  My feelings of protectiveness and codependence are now feelings of patrimony.  My escapism is now a clear need to digest and share my explorations.  More than anything, I feel ready to explore.  Primed, one could say.

For this reason, you don't need to fear for balance in my life.  Now that the need to win has been pulled from my internal engine, I can devote the full force of my focus to being the pioneer that I am.  Finding frontiers within myself, within my ability to experience, and within my capacity for happiness are as important as finding them in my industry and my work.

At the same time, those people who feel that my focus and my drive were too intense are about to get some whiplash.  This bus is leaving, and it's leaving some rubber!  Buckle up, kids.

While this work has been largely internal, this night is an important one for me.  January 24, 2009.  I'm back, and I'm better than ever!

It's so f^#&ing on.